


But it was Logan

by Lhumyaki



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: (because I'm not a monster), Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Gen, Logic | Logan Sanders Has Feelings, i love how it's an actual tag, im not really proud of the title but it'll do
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-22
Updated: 2020-05-29
Packaged: 2021-03-03 03:42:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,676
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24328228
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lhumyaki/pseuds/Lhumyaki
Summary: If it has been Patton, he would have smiled and watched in silence, pretending there wasn't a pain in his heart.If it has been Roman, he would have looked hopelessly at the others, crushed, and maybe he would have acted even more extra to get their attention.If it has been Virgil, he would have looked at them all, sadness sinking in as he is brought back to a time he didn't want to remember, when he was a bad guy who shouldn't be listened to, before sinking out.But it wasn't Patton, Roman or Virgil. It was Logan.----OR: Logan gets angry, the sides visit his room, things happen.
Relationships: Logic | Logan Sanders & Morality | Patton Sanders
Comments: 11
Kudos: 66





	1. Part 1

**Author's Note:**

> IMPORTANT: I've started to write this story before Dealing With Intrusive Thoughts, so keep that in mind in case.

If it has been Patton, he would have smiled and watched in silence, pretending there wasn't a pain in his heart.

If it has been Roman, he would have looked hopelessly at the others, crushed, and maybe he would have acted even more extra to get their attention.

If it has been Virgil, he would have looked at them all, sadness sinking in as he is brought back to a time he didn't want to remember, when he was a bad guy who shouldn't be listened to, before sinking out.

But it wasn't Patton, Roman or Virgil. It was Logan.

" _I was talking._ "

He didn't expect it to come out sharp. Actually, his words were supposed to be calm, him simply stating a fact. He was, indeed, talking, giving his logical point of view on the situation, before Roman decided to cut him with his own argument he already stated before and redirect the whole conversation on his ridiculous point, and now they were all talking with each other, ignoring _him_ completely and just letting him out of the conversation as if he didn't matter at all.

All of this had made Logan feel a sort of ball in his stomach and his throat, and if he didn't know any better, the _logical_ side would identify a feeling of anger in him.

But that was stupid, Logan didn't _feel_.

Logan left his thoughts to concentrate back on the discussion, judging the reactions he got out from the other sides and Thomas after what he said.  
... there was none.

They have just kept talking, without listening to him. They may haven't even noticed him losing himself in his thoughts.

The ball got bigger.

"Could you listen to me now?"

It was sharper. He didn't want to.

They were still talking, too caught up in whatever was interesting them, the subject wasn't even the one they started off with.

A fake cough, in a vain attempt to bring attention.

Bigger.

"Could you _please_ listen to me?"  
Sharper.

Nothing.

Let's try again.

"Hello? Is anybody remembering that I'm here?"  
Sharper.

Nothing.

Bigger.

"Hey!"  
Sharpest.

Nothing.

Biggest.

" **Hey.** "  
Murderous.

Nothing.

It's as if he wasn't even there.

But he was there.

As if they were deliberately ignoring him.

...

He did the first thing that came to his mind.

He screamed.  
________________

If it has been Patton, they would have looked at him with surprise, before rushing in a chorus of "Are you ok? What's wrong?"

If it has been Roman, they would have looked at him wondering what was it this time, for which obscure reason he's done this.

If it has been Virgil, they would have immediately started to worry and make sure the Side was alright and asked him what's wrong.

But it wasn't Patton, Roman or Virgil. It was Logan.

All four looked at the logical side who just screamed. It wasn't even a word. Just a scream.

His expression was surprised, and Patton could feel the panic starting to build up in his friend.

"Lo-"

"What was that?" Virgil cut, without noticing it (Patton would never tell him it happened, he knew Virgil would be crushed by what he's done otherwise).

Logan didn't answer, and instead, his gaze went from one face to the other, lost.

"Logan-" Patton tried again, but this time it was Logan himself who cut him with a fast and stuttering "I have to go!".

And he sinked out, leaving behind four confused people.  
________________

If it has been Patton, he would have tried to hide the truth, before one of them ultimately pushed him to talk.

If it has been Roman, he would have explained they were ignoring him and it was the only way to get their attention, using a joking tone to hide he was truly hurt.

If it has been Virgil, he would have hesitated before eventually starting to talk, getting all of them to say sorry and promise it won't happen again.

But it wasn't Patton, Roman or Virgil. It was Logan.

The scream got everyone's attention alright. Logan _knew_ he should have used this moment to start explaining his point, but he was as surprised as the others.

And when Virgil asked him what was that, he _knew_ he should have simply stated it was to get them to listen to him, since apparently nothing else worked.  
But Logan wasn't trusting himself to say these words without the sharpness, and he had the _feeling_ the tears that had somehow started to build in would follow their threat of falling, and maybe his voice would have cracked a little bit on the end of his sentence, and...

He didn't know what to do and just looked at everyone, hoping it would bring him an answer, or that one of them would calm him.

"Logan..." called Patton in the voice he would use to soothe someone (most of the time Virgil) or to call them back to reality (as real as they were), the voice he used when he wasn't sure of what was happening, but still full of compassion.

It was the last straw.  
Logan didn't need the compassion (but he did), he didn't need Patton, the _feelings_ to understand him, the _logic_ (but he did), he didn't want to have to feel the tears wetting his eyes, ready to fall (but he had), he didn't want to have to hear his voice breaking and his words being sharp because he _hurts_ (so he made sure he wouldn't).

"I- I have t-to go."

His voice may have been trembling, but at least he didn't lose it. Not in front of the others, still shocked **but visibly not concerned**.  
________________

If it has been Patton, they would have run to his room.

If it has been Roman, they would have run to his room.

If it has been Virgil, they would have run to his room.

But it wasn't Patton, Roman or Virgil.

It was Logan.  
________________

They tried to make it work without Logan.  
But it was soon clear enough it wouldn't.

Maybe because Patton was too worried about what just happened to really concentrate.

He knew Logan would probably be fine, but what if he wouldn't? After all, it was the first time they heard him just _scream_ , and he left right after without any explanation.

"Guys, I think we need to get Logan back for this," Thomas eventually said.

Patton nodded his approval immediately, Virgil said a "yeah" and Roman sighed. "I guess you're right," the creative side said.

Without further ado, Thomas called Logan back.

The logical side arrived, visibly surprised. And he left before anyone could say a word.

Patton was certainly the only one who spotted his friend's red eyes.

"Well, that was fast," commented Roman.  
"There's something wrong," Virgil said.  
"You always think there's something wrong."  
"Maybe, but here it's more than usual."

Patton could only agree.

"Do you think we should go to his room?" asked Thomas.  
"Well, he obviously doesn't want to stay with us," Roman answered.  
"Doesn't mean we shouldn't check on him," Virgil countered.

They all turned expectantly to Patton. The final decision was his.  
"Of course we go to his room!" he had tried to stay cheerful, but he couldn't help worry dripping from his voice.

And with a nod from Thomas, they left.  
_______________

The room they appeared in was gleaming in a dark blue lightning. The first thing Patton noticed was the walls covered in books behind Roman. The second was all the posters behind Thomas, science posters along sf shows ones, and maybe more hidden behind the others. Then, his attention got grabbed by the stairs behind Virgil, on which plannings, graphs and diagrams were fighting for attention. Eventually, Patton looked at the wall on his side, where he saw dark blue curtains covered in stars and constellations, as well as some motivational posters he remembered gifting to Logan. A smile got on his lips at the sight.  
When he turned his attention back on the others, he saw them all looking at the ceiling. Curious, he followed their gaze.

A gasp escaped his mouth as he was staring at a galaxy. He couldn't look away.

"What a nerd..." escaped softly from Roman, an affectionate smile on his face.

"What are you doing here?"

Surprised, the sides and Thomas turned away from the ceiling to look at Logan's spot, where the logical side was now.

"Logan!" Patton exclaimed with a smile.  
Smile who dropped quickly after seeing the anger in his friend's eyes.

"Ah, Space Oddity! We were looking for you!" Roman said.  
"Well, I'm here."  
"I can see that."

A silence.

"What do you want?" Logan asked.

"Logan, are you ok?" Thomas said.  
"Of course. Why wouldn't I?"  
"You suddenly left and didn't want to stay when we called you..." Patton answered, sad.

Logan didn't say anything.

"Is there something wrong?" Virgil asked with worry.  
"Why would there be something's wrong?!"

The harsh tone in the logical side's voice startled them all.

"Let me see..." Roman was the first to talk again. "Because, as PattyPatton mentioned, you left suddenly in the middle of a discussion, when we haven't even find the start of a solution, and then when we summoned you, you left immediately without a word?"  
"..."

The silence was back, getting more and more uncomfortable.  
Logan, surprisingly, broke it.

"There's nothing wrong. I left because it was obvious you didn't need me. And I didn't stay when you summoned me because I was busy at the time. I still am, actually."

Now, Logan had used his usual voice, neutral, straight to the fact. But Patton heard the hurt lingering in it, and knew he had to take action.

"Logan..." he started, yet again.  
He should have known it wouldn't work.  
________________

If it has been Patton, he would have smiled and told them not to worry too much about him, he'll be fine.

If it has been Roman, he would have hesitated before going on a theatrical rant about what was wrong.

If it has been Virgil, he would have refused to talk, while still letting his worries obvious to spot, and Thomas and Patton would have talked him through opening up.

But it wasn't Patton, Roman or Virgil. It was Logan.

They wanted him to tell them what was wrong. So he told them the logical reason. The one where he was saying what was wrong, but didn't outright say it.  
_They didn't need him._  
He was busy _wiping stupid tears away_. He's still busy _making sure to not break down in front of them_.

_Lies of omissions_ , a voice in the back of his head recited its lesson.

And then, _**then**_... Patton dared calling his name, with his voice, his compassionate voice, soothing, calming, _pitying_ voice.

He didn't need it. He DIDN'T. Logic didn't need morality, didn't need morals.  
He was cold, made of stone, merciless. Facts, facts, and ONLY facts.

Anger in his voice, coldness in his eyes, the word came out without thinking.

"Leave."

The room was struck silent.  
Finally concentrating on his surroundings, he saw the other sides and Thomas looking at him, eyes wide, as the moral side was left speechless by being cut with such a simple word.

" _Leave._ "

It was an order, not a request.

Everyone was quiet, but nobody was moving.

Thomas started to open his mouth.

no, not today, today he didn't _care_. they could try to tell him whatever, they could try to reason him, he didn't **care**. he wanted them out, they'll be out!

"I ASKED YOU TO _LEAVE_ "

If screaming was the only way to make them listen, so be it. Good enough that he _felt_ the need to.

But, instead of leaving, one of them spoke.  
"Wait, are you... crying?"

A look to where the stairs were, and he could see a surprised _Virgil_.

"And what if I am?" a snarling voice.

"Logan, look, you can talk with us..."

"Thank you, but I don't think so, _Anxiety_."

The room froze.  
Here it was, the A word.

"Now, Logan," Morality started, "we've talked about calling Virgil-"

"What? We've talked about not calling him Anxiety? _Why?_ That's what he is, for fuck's sake! It doesn't matter if you want to call him Virgil, Ethan, Jason, or Angel! In the end, he is Anxiety, and HE WILL ALWAYS BE ANXIETY! EXACTLY LIKE 'PATTON' IS AND WILL ALWAYS BE MORALITY, EXACTLY LIKE 'ROMAN' IS AND WILL ALWAYS BE CREATIVITY, AND EXACTLY. LIKE. I. AM. AND WILL ALWAYS BE. LOGIG!"

With an heavy breath, Logic had finished his long tirade.

There was a moment where nobody dared do anything, and then, Anxiety left, followed short by Creativity.

It was only Morality, Logic and Thomas.

Logic suddenly remembered an old episode. "The mind vs. the heart", when it was simpler time, and they didn't have this whole name thing going on.

He would have smiled fondly at the memory, if it wasn't for the rage boiling his inside.

"Thomas, I think you should go," Morality said.

A nod, and Thomas was gone.

Only the logic and the morality.


	2. Part 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think it's important to precise that when I say that Logan has a galaxy ceiling, I mean that he has an ACTUAL galaxy as his ceiling. With planets that moves and stars that are shiny and all that jazz.

"Leave."

The anger in Logan's voice as he cut him made Patton chill. Has he done something wrong...?

None of them moved, too surprised for it.

" _Leave._ "

Patton suddenly wondered if Logan's room has always been this dark.

"I ASKED YOU TO _LEAVE_!"

If he had any doubts about it, now it was sure. The soothing dark blue light that Logan's room had when they arrived was now darker, as if his anger was having an impact on the place.

"Are you crying?" asked Virgil, and Patton realized he was so distressed he didn't even saw it.  
"And what if I am?"  
"Logan, look, you can talk with us..."  
"Thank you, but I don't think so, _Anxiety_." 

And Patton's heart sank. Logan couldn't do that, he _couldn't_. They had _talked_ about it, about how it wasn't ok to call Virgil like that, that it was making him feel bad when they would do it.  
Patton couldn't dare looking at Virgil's face, but he was certain it was a hurt one.

And Patton tried to call Logan out for this.

And Logan screamed.

And Logan had tears in his eyes.

And Logan told them that none of their names mattered in the end.

_and exactly like I am and will always be logic_

Was that how he felt? Was that what he thought?

The room has been getting darker and darker with each shouted words, so much that now the light of the room was closer to the dark blue of the deep, scary bottom of the ocean, and the galaxy on the ceiling was now a cold source of light.

Virgil left. Roman left.

And it was just Thomas, Patton and Logan.

If the situation wasn't so serious, Patton would have smiled at the memory of the mind vs the heart playing in his head.

He knew that if he wanted to help Logan, he would have to be alone with him.

"Thomas, I think you should go."

And now, it was just Logan and Patton.  
________________

Once Thomas was gone, the room slowly shifted to its true appearance.  
Which was quite close to its appearance for Thomas, actually. Just the couch being now a bed, no kitchen, and a desk against one wall.

"What do you want, Morality?"

Patton suddenly wondered if he would have guessed it was better to be alone with Logan to help him if he wasn't in this room.

"How are you, Logan?"

Thrown off by the question, Logic's anger faltered a bit.

Patton noticed the room getting lighter.

"I'm fine," the moral side kept going. "Today, I found a dollar under the couch. Is it yours?"

"I thought about making us all pancakes, today. But maybe would you like something else?"

"What are you doing?" Logan eventually asked.

Patton didn't answer but smile.

"This morning, I was so sleepy that I almost forgot to put my cat onesie on my shoulders! I was feeling bad for it, knowing it was a gift from you. By the way, I was very happy when you gifted it to me, it wasn't even my birthday! Thank you again for that!  
After I was done getting dressed, I started to cook breakfast. That's when I thought I could make pancakes tomorrow! Then Virgil and Roman arrived. I was a bit surprised to not see you with them, but I thought that it was nice for you to take a bit more time for yourself in the morning.  
Right when we sat down to eat, you arrived and took your plate to join us. It was nice to be all together, without any tension whatsoever.  
Virgil helped me wash the dishes, while you and Roman went to do your own things. I was in a cleaning mood, so I started cleaning up. That's when I found the dollar and wondered about who it belonged to."

He took a pause in his tirade to look at Logan.  
It's with delight he noticed that the logical side seemed way calmer, the light of the room matching the mood. Though Patton frowned when he saw the lack of galaxy-ceiling.

"How are you?" Patton asked again.

"I... empty?" It was hesitant, as if Logan wasn't sure of his word's choice. "Well, not literally empty, of course, but..."  
He stopped, reminding himself not to ramble.  
Patton gave a soft smile and a nod of understanding.

"That's good then. That you feel better."  
"You misunderstood me; I didn't say I was better, I said that I was empty."  
"That's the kind of things that happens when you release a lot of emotions at once."

At this, Logan scoffed. "I don't have emotions, Patton."

Patton's face fell flat. Of course Logan had emotions, what is he talking about?  
"Logan-"  
"I'll stop you rigt there Patton. If you are going to tell me I am wrong, I need proofs."  
"Alright then."

He knew what he had to do. It was only logical to act like that.

Patton grabbed Logan's hand, causing the side to take a step back in surprise.

"There. You just got surprised by what I did. And you're feeling confusion. Maybe some kind of happiness too?"  
He released the hand.  
"You're still confused, maybe even more. A bit panicky too, because I can tell what you feel."  
He looked calmly at Logan, expecting some reactions.

And reaction there was.

Starting calm, matter-of-factly. Then, slowly, the voice was becoming more frantic, the hands were moving around, and Logan was pacing, never breathing.  
"But... you're wrong. I don't have feelings. I _can't_. I am Logic, logic doesn't have feelings! Feelings only get in the way of rationality, of the facts! If I have feelings, I can't be logic, because that means that I have flaws, that I am not how I should be, and I can't! I can't be faulty, I can't afford it! I can't! If I'm faulty, I'm not valued, and if I'm not valued you won't listen to me and you already do it so little and I can't lose the few I have left because of some stupid nonsensical feelings i-"

Patton grabbed his hand again to interrupt him, his face showing distress for his friend.

"I'm sorry Logan. But you do. You have feelings, and it's ok."  
A pause. Patton released the hand.  
"I wish I could share with you what I know you feel in more ways than words. I wish I could let you get the power I have enough time for you to realize how much you feel. It's often hard for me to figure it out, because you hide it so well, but when your emotions start escaping your control, it's _so much_."  
Breathe.  
"I'm sorry Logan. I'm sorry that I never realized it was actually bad. That it was _that_ bad. I should have known better than to ignore how you felt, to ignore how you would lock up everything away. It's my fault."

The silence then was oppressive, like an answer to the distress Patton could feel from Logan. It was long, and seemed to stretch for hours. And finally the logical side spoke, his voice aching, stopping and going too high here and there:  
"It's fine Patton, don't worry. I shouldn't have- I- I guess I shouldn't have... done what I did. Not telling anyone anything, pretend there wasn't any problems when there was. It was stupid of me."  
" _No._ " and the voice answering was a serious one. "Logan, it is NOT fine! I, *we* hurt you, and I'm mostly at fault because I knew there was something, but didn't do anything, didn't even try or ask once! I don't want you to refuse my apology, Logan. You can refuse to pardon me, but you can't refuse that I did something wrong, alright?"

Another silence, this time more of bewilderment than a heavy one.  
Then, Logan laughed.

It was short, blink it and you miss it, but it was there.  
A flash of memory. Patton was now seeing Logan, younger, back in the first episode of Sanders Sides. He was smiling, and joking, and _gosh_ how did they never notice how much he has changed?

"What?" Patton asked in confusion.  
Logan did a small smile. "I've never noticed that you could be wise, Patton."

Oh. Well.

"To be honest, I wonder if this might not be the effect of your room..." he looked away sheepishly.  
"Patton."

The moral side looked back on Logan. He has a serious face on, but Patton could see the other side's eyes twinkling of some malice.  
"If I can't refuse your apology, you can't refuse my compliment."

After a moment of confusion, a smile spread on Patton's face. "Okay."

A small smile from Logan. "Let's go back to the others. I have an apology to make."

Before leaving the room, Patton noticed the stars of the ceiling shining even brighter than when they arrived.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Can you guess where did I stop writing this chapter one year ago before finally continuing it after the new episode? (half jokingly asking, I'm kinda curious actually)
> 
> The next part isn't written yet, and I need to study for my exams, so don't really expect something before two weeks (if I post something anyway, you're encouraged to give me little slap to remind me I'm supposed to work)

**Author's Note:**

> Can you believe that when I've started planning this, I thought it would be a long OS? There are 3 parts of this story. And the second one may be as long as this one.
> 
> The second part is already written, but I need to read it again a couple time to make sure there's no typos and that it is actually good, so it won't be out before some days. Third part is not written yet, but I already know what will happen in it, and it should be way shorter (watch me as I end up writing something as big as part 1 and 2 combined).


End file.
